Death and Nostalgia

Is Past the antiquity of consciousness?

What will you do when you realized that everything—love, sex, bookz, and even Angel Locsin—would someday cease to exist in your world; without you to experience the grandiosity of Life. Will you still contemplate Life with the music of Norah Jones, David Bowie, Tori Amos, Beetlez, and Eraserheads as a requiem or an opera of your happy day, happy thoughts life? Will you run naked and pray to God, trust the divine providence as the last result for being hopeless and being the solitary animal in this neither benign nor hostile universe?

Will you mock Death?

Gambles your life with the incomprehensible silence?

Or cheat Death, perhaps?

***

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, alone with crumpled sheets of paper and second hand bookz, I wondered if my life is just a memory of someone I never met. A man, I dreamed of him was living in the future, who wants to travel back in Time to redeem his self from all the paradoxes of Life.

Perhaps, the past is my long lost dreams, my journey to Life. As the theme of Wong-Kar-Wai’s nostalgic film 2046: Man’s thematic existence is his past, his rendezvous. In that film, the protagonist found a creative way to revisit his past by creating a vivid picture of the future. It was this thought that I realized everything is mirage kiss with Death, and nostalgia is the affirmation of existence.

***

I fear Death will kiss me at any moment. I fear the incomprehensible silence. I fear the beauty and its mockery. I fear myself lost in the abyss. I fear the inexplicable irony of my life’s uncertainty.

***

Death is the absence of Something; and the essence of Nothing. Death—the incomprehensible silence. Time ceased, end of all possibilities. No mise-en-shot, no cinematic effect.

Darkness falls with me forever.